Cower

It rained so hard.
We ran for cover.
We hid.
It found us.
It hurt us.
It bored holes-
In the sky
In the shades
In the walls
In us.

It ran on the ground
It didn't seep in;
It only ran out
Gushed out
Out of us.
It rained on us.
It rained around us.
It rained through us.
It rained without us.

We ran
We kept running;
We kept crying
Crying for help
Crying in pain;
Sighing in vain
Drenched in rain.

They saw us.
From their windows.
Under the lights
The mellow lights
The warm lights
That blazed like fire
With stifled ire
Ire we held
In our hearts
Ire that held
The lights on fire.

The rain went bad
The crowd went mad
We looked around
We looked within
We were drenched.
In red.
The rain was red.
Yes, blood it shed.
Our blood.
Then came a flood.
A flood of lies.
A flood of cries
The flood of blood.

They filled their cups
They raised their cups
They made a toast
They laughed
They chatted
They shopped
They stopped
They looked
Out their windows
Out of their world
They checked:
We were reduced
Reduced
As of yesterday
Reduced to sacks
Reduced to numbers
Reduced to ashes.

They resumed:
They fed
On our tears,
Tears we shed
As we bled
With the rain.
They were satiated.

Fall

Often, when I've felt I'm falling, I've thought of it as falling into a black hole rather than some dark pit. This is probably because of my love for all things cosmos but I believe it holds a little more importance in the literary department.

Black holes, as I imagine them, are bottomless dark pits. But unlike other dark pits, the kind you simply fall into and keep falling after biting into the forbidden apple, black holes are quite interactive. When falling into a black hole, you experience immense pressure - both psychological and physical. That originating in your psyche comes partly from the guilt and confusion of biting into the apple and partly from the fall into the obviously hostile surroundings. The physical pressure is what we can regard as interesting. It originates due the psychological pressure, that constantly tries to suffocate you (and this is not because black holes are devoid of air); but what actually makes this pressure unbearably painful is the ability of the black hole to interact with your body. Black holes threaten to crush you into a clump no more smooth than gravel and simultaneously pluck apart the splinters of your existence, not to mention quite mercilessly - they can't really feel much, you see.

The apple was forbidden, wasn't it? But you bit into it anyway, didn't you? Why?

You don't know?

That's fine. You will know, once you begin to fall.

The Odds of the End

Death is painful - something we all know.

For some it's serene - an effortless transition from one content life to another; for others it's a matter of relief and for another lot, it's the most excruciating experience of their life and ironically death.

However, for those who stand by and watch, it's always painful. Always.
It doesn't matter how, when or why it happened, but only that it did. It doesn't matter if you were the cold-blooded murderer or the helpless onlooker whose arms became the final abode of the departing soul. It doesn't matter if the blood that stains your hands was a product of the gash you gave someone or it's there because you held the warm, living body that became cold and dead in a matter of moments. Either way, pain is a constant companion- irrespective of who feels it.

It brings us pain to know that we can't do anything to hold onto those breaths that are softly slipping away. Anguish grips us as we realize in essence how the fire of life is about to be extinguished and leave behind the cold, dry embers of a lost life, a lost soul, a lost world. And we stand and watch, crushed by that helplessness, waiting for the curtains to fall and the lights to explode into the creeping darkness that threatens to engulf us and all that's dear to us.We wait for the burns to heal with the light that can burn this pain. And we wait.

But more often than not, light chooses to travel into the distant depths of the universe, up, above and away from where we are. From the stars, to some other stars and infinity - where every soul travels - at some point in its life, or death. Yes, that's where we believe they are: somewhere within infinity, with that light that left us to reach them, help them, guide them, hold them. It is almost relieving to bear that pain, that suffocating embrace of the dark if we believe that the light leaves us and somehow helps the ones we love.

Up, above and away are all so distant and yet so close. They are so hard to touch but they touch our lives so easily. They define transcendence from our troubles, offer an escape, only a very impractical and untouchable one. But they offer something, even if it is another life - that after death.

My exams finished today and I'd thought I'd write a blog post overflowing with glee of some sort or at least something that reflected freedom. The moon was full tonight and oh so beautiful when I went out for a walk and I decided to write something related to that but then I had an encounter with death. Most of us might consider this encounter a very trivial one and it probably is but I just can't feel that way.

Walking back home, I saw a dead eagle on the road-side. My eyes bulged out for a moment when I realized what it was and I got terribly upset. I actually felt my heart getting heavy! I'm not exactly an animal rights activist (although I do believe that animals should be treated nicely because WE are humans), but grief did grip me for long enough to produce this morose piece.

It was not the eagle or it's death that hurt so much, perhaps. It was the closeness of death, right beneath my eyes, the fine line between the two phases that is so easily lost to sight. Seeing the eagle's neck lolled to its left; its body that was previously vibrant with life, turned into a static wooden frame; the grey shutters on the eyes and the beak covered in dust made me want to kneel down and start weeping. It's been so long since I've felt that way and back then it used to be where humans were concerned. I've seen dead animals before but never have I felt quite so broken by the sight.

I guess it's just because I haven't paid attention to any deaths in the past two months. Also, it was the realization that this living body that soared to great heights of blue oblivion would have bolted to the ground and lost its life in a snap. The simplicity of transition between these two extremes of what lies up above and away against that which takes one beneath the ground is just so paradoxical and ironic. This battle between warm and cold, black and white, heights and depths is what maintains the continuity of life - by ending some.

It is an act of greatly low stature to end a life. It is a matter of great pain, patience and strength to watch an end. I can't imagine how great it would be to have the chance to save a life.

Cyclops gone blind

I’ve witnessed how the arrival of Ramzan has become less fascinating and dampened with each coming year. There’s a lot to blame but I feel slightly less cynical right now so I’ll just go into the facts that aren’t glaringly obvious. Amiss all the gory, grisly, heart-wrenching bloodlust and hassle and all the other morbid issues, it’s the small things that are depriving us of the barkat and rehmat of this month.

Khatm-e-Taraveeh in a mosque is supposed to be a source of blessings for all living in the area but unfortunately those ‘living in the area’ deprive themselves of these blessings just for the sake of some extra mithai! The children are often seen stealing mithai that is distributed at this event. Ramzan, taraveeh- you would think we are supposed to learn to share and clean the evil of our intentions but it’s really sad that parents cannot impart this simple idea to their children. You don’t exactly need to be ‘Islami’ for it or even respect Ramzan! It’s basic ethics which are obviously non-existent in our civilized society. What’s wrong with us? Where are we heading? Our children are stealing, that too from mosques? After finishing Taraveeh? Is that how greedy we have become? Muslim children stealing from mosques?!

Our electronic media gives life to Ramzan these days, the life that’s trickling away due to our malice. But they also need to participate in the ruthless rat-race to break the news first. The Azaan began and was cut off at ‘AllahHuAk’ to give instant, at-the-spot coverage of the recent Lahore bomb blast. My family and I were shocked, with dates perched between our fingers in mid-air. That is how important it is to break some more bad news, how important it is to disrupt a peaceful Iftar and exactly how much we respect the Azaan. We are true Muslims who respect Ramzan by creating signature music-filled Naats each year.

Calmly, pausing for the desired effect of suspense, talk show hosts tell us that suicide bombers have infiltrated cities like Karachi, Lahore, etc and are preparing in full swing to bomb Eid prayers. It’s actually funny how all our security agencies know when, how, where the suicide bombers have landed but they can’t arrest them. I wonder if it’s because there are no suicide bombers to begin with and even if there are, they’re planted by our own security agencies to help the government and external governments cause more anarchy, drive more people insane with their frustration, possibly get some more to commit suicide without a bomb?

Recently some more target killing ensued at the Natha Khan Bridge near the airport and ambulances were stuck in the resulting traffic jam. Whoever plans all this is amazingly brilliant because they ensure that not only the supposedly targeted people are killed but others are targeted as well. So those who would have died due to diseases much more humble than these ‘humans’ could not have that peace.

In another village another boy who could have been saved by another police squad, died another tragic death when he was not indulging in another crime but actually trying to do something unheard of- saving lives. The young male drowned while saving two other children and eventually died when rescue tams (led by a police squad) deemed it impossible to continue with the rescue mission because it was getting dark! Yes, fire has not been discovered yet and we are apes who walk on all fours. I wonder why this sounds familiar. Oh let me guess, didn’t something similar happen at the site of the air blue plane crash? It did indeed. The rescue mission was delayed by six hours and stopped four hours later because it was getting dark. Consequences: 13 people’s body parts were never found because they were probably carried away by beasts overnight. Their families were deprived of burying their remains.

If only they could understand how much the dark (not just of the night), could swallow.