Cyclops gone blind

I’ve witnessed how the arrival of Ramzan has become less fascinating and dampened with each coming year. There’s a lot to blame but I feel slightly less cynical right now so I’ll just go into the facts that aren’t glaringly obvious. Amiss all the gory, grisly, heart-wrenching bloodlust and hassle and all the other morbid issues, it’s the small things that are depriving us of the barkat and rehmat of this month.

Khatm-e-Taraveeh in a mosque is supposed to be a source of blessings for all living in the area but unfortunately those ‘living in the area’ deprive themselves of these blessings just for the sake of some extra mithai! The children are often seen stealing mithai that is distributed at this event. Ramzan, taraveeh- you would think we are supposed to learn to share and clean the evil of our intentions but it’s really sad that parents cannot impart this simple idea to their children. You don’t exactly need to be ‘Islami’ for it or even respect Ramzan! It’s basic ethics which are obviously non-existent in our civilized society. What’s wrong with us? Where are we heading? Our children are stealing, that too from mosques? After finishing Taraveeh? Is that how greedy we have become? Muslim children stealing from mosques?!

Our electronic media gives life to Ramzan these days, the life that’s trickling away due to our malice. But they also need to participate in the ruthless rat-race to break the news first. The Azaan began and was cut off at ‘AllahHuAk’ to give instant, at-the-spot coverage of the recent Lahore bomb blast. My family and I were shocked, with dates perched between our fingers in mid-air. That is how important it is to break some more bad news, how important it is to disrupt a peaceful Iftar and exactly how much we respect the Azaan. We are true Muslims who respect Ramzan by creating signature music-filled Naats each year.

Calmly, pausing for the desired effect of suspense, talk show hosts tell us that suicide bombers have infiltrated cities like Karachi, Lahore, etc and are preparing in full swing to bomb Eid prayers. It’s actually funny how all our security agencies know when, how, where the suicide bombers have landed but they can’t arrest them. I wonder if it’s because there are no suicide bombers to begin with and even if there are, they’re planted by our own security agencies to help the government and external governments cause more anarchy, drive more people insane with their frustration, possibly get some more to commit suicide without a bomb?

Recently some more target killing ensued at the Natha Khan Bridge near the airport and ambulances were stuck in the resulting traffic jam. Whoever plans all this is amazingly brilliant because they ensure that not only the supposedly targeted people are killed but others are targeted as well. So those who would have died due to diseases much more humble than these ‘humans’ could not have that peace.

In another village another boy who could have been saved by another police squad, died another tragic death when he was not indulging in another crime but actually trying to do something unheard of- saving lives. The young male drowned while saving two other children and eventually died when rescue tams (led by a police squad) deemed it impossible to continue with the rescue mission because it was getting dark! Yes, fire has not been discovered yet and we are apes who walk on all fours. I wonder why this sounds familiar. Oh let me guess, didn’t something similar happen at the site of the air blue plane crash? It did indeed. The rescue mission was delayed by six hours and stopped four hours later because it was getting dark. Consequences: 13 people’s body parts were never found because they were probably carried away by beasts overnight. Their families were deprived of burying their remains.

If only they could understand how much the dark (not just of the night), could swallow.

Laws of retardation: Theory Three

Soothing trash

Ugh oh my God, I’m frustrated again! WHY? It has to be the result, which I believe I do not care about anymore. It always gets me this way. But maybe it’s today. Or what today was about, or is, or has been- monotony, boredom, stress, some more stress. Some more frustration, some more laziness, some more tired-ness and sleep. And sleep and stupor. Some more melancholy, some more ridicule. Some more games and some more paranoia. Some more chats and some more texts. Some more sparks, some more life. Some more pillows and some more flights- into solitary places in the mind. Some more Literature, some more math. Some more pestering and some more trash. Some more rubbish, some more gibberish. Some more vegetables and some more sloths. Some more ranting and some more panting. Some more heaving, some more wheezing. Some more dabbing and some more tabbing. Some more rhyming and some more banter. Some more venting and some more pressure. Some more music and some more noise. Some more words, some more poise. Some more drama, some more trauma. Some more theories and some more cronies. Some more talk and some more luck. Some more lies, some more replies. Some more eyes, some more cries. Some more words and that’s all there is. Some more. Some more. And more…

Laws of retardation: Theory Two

Haila!

That’s my new lame exclamatory remark. It’s so much fun to say this word because it’s so cheap and high and stupid and reminds me of Nargus cream! And it makes me feel like a buzzing phone or a boiling kettle ready to whistle; or a super-excited electron, if nothing else! 


Those of you who are wondering what Nargus cream is, please enlighten yourselves with the following link:
http://www.facebook.com/l.phpu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fvideo%2Fvideo.php%3Fv%3D10150253203465323&h=3dbfe

Roman Holidays

In the words of a dear friend, “The scorching sun blissfully smiles down upon us.” I couldn’t help smiling at the oxymoronic description when I realized how ironic it was. The sun can itself blissfully smile while inflicting so much pain upon all those under it. How evil, I thought to myself but when you see the greater picture, it’s the general nature of things, especially humans. The sun may have been known to be vile since the ancient Egyptians begged ‘Ra’ for mercy when building the pyramids, but humans have been feared of greater peril since the dawn of time.

With humans, their treacherous ways have also evolved, becoming more subtle but venomous as time progressed. The Pharaohs, Romans, Mongols, Barbarians and the participants of the world wars, all became fiercer than the preceding race but the felony we commit today as a society has surpassed it all. It is as if living under various tyrannical regimes for over 60 years, we have attained the ability to plaster plastic smiles upon our faces, speak hollow words and indifferently hurt those around us with our cold actions just as these tyrants do.

Why is it so that those who rule upon us have been becoming increasingly corrupt and heartless? Harsh as it may sound, we have brought this upon ourselves owing to our social malice. Everyday, various acts of terrorism in our country claim the lives of at least 10 people and we have now become so used to it that those who do know of it, don’t even bother to stop for a moment and at least hope that they rest in peace. And some of us, who have lost their relatives in any such accident or to more humble diseases, are petty enough to color their grey hair in time for the funeral or they might have to join a purgatory for committing the blasphemy of showing their grey hair to the mourning crowd! And those who seem to be slightly more considerate, halfheartedly recite portions of the Quran, desperately waiting for the dead to be taken away to their final abode so that they can indulge in chat and gossip!

Very recently we saw a terrible plane crash, a bomb blast and a flood on the same day. The death toll by that night was no less than 200 at least. The whole nation grieved, so much so that even people who fortunately lost no acquaintances, cancelled their weddings scheduled for the next day. But there were some of us who were completely unaware and oblivious of any of these heartrending events; some who were aware but as is the custom, did not stop to think about it for a moment; and of course those who weren’t touched by the tragedy in the air and made the most of their day laughing, chatting, celebrating various events when the whole country was officially mourning- it was officially a day of ‘soag’.

Pakistan is battling with a food crisis- complacently accepted by the government AND the citizens because if we did care enough we wouldn’t be sitting in our houses simply cursing the government. We would at least try to take a stand, protest, or try to do something of our own accord- provided that we did care…

                           

Two years ago, a hunger-beaten six-year old child fell into a ‘daigh’ at a wedding and burned 75% of his body while trying to steal food because his father, who was a painter had been out of work for the past two days and thus unable to find them any food. May 2010: A married couple threw themselves on the railway tracks to be minced by the train because they were left devoid of any strength to battle with life anymore. The answer to why they chose death is easy: Inflation, hunger, crushing poverty, helplessness, etc. But why did they choose such a painful death? The answer to that was given by Khadim Hussain, who works almost 24 hours in a mill in Lahore, doing over times to suffice his basic needs. And in spite of that, he had to sell his kidney to prepare a not-so-ostentatious dowry for his daughter, who in spite of being perfectly normal wouldn’t get married without it. According to him, dying is harder than living for you require at least Rs. 10,000 for a proper burial, which he, the unfortunate couple and many other Pakistanis are unable to afford.

The story doesn’t end here, though. June 2010: A family ate poisoned food hoping to find the peace lost from their lives in afterlife. Another family attempted to attain salvation via a similar path.  This led Mr. Qamr-uz-Zaman Kaira to make another incredibly insensitive statement saying that if parents are unable to feed their children, they should ‘deposit’ them in the ‘Bait-ul-Maal’ instead of killing them. Now that certainly calls for a celebration since our government has almost reached the height of indifference. I wonder if anybody asked Mr. Kaira that even if people do that, what guarantee do they have that their children would be properly fed and not be stationed at some traffic signal to beg and fill the politicians’ pockets?

The bottom-line is that people in our country are dying mainly either due to terrorism or hunger and we have become indifferent to the overwhelming misery around us. By saying this I do not mean that we should all become melancholy Jacques and begin to find misery in the hatching of eggs but that it’s high time we try and do something about it. As for terrorism, I do not know how we as people can help that but we can definitely try to relieve the not-so-fortunate of the worry of where their next meal will be coming from, if at all.

We spend around six thousand rupees on just one lunch at ostentatious food outlets like Nando’s and Arizona Grill. I’m sure we can take out a little to save somebody from losing their life or their most valuable possession- their child to a welfare centre. I believe that if every housing society/area sets up a small camp where three times each day, every house in the area contributes a single plate of food, all the poor in the area should be able to at least live, if not peacefully.

It is high time that we stop expecting anything from our government and take steps to prevent the frustrated lot from playing in the hands of death.

It is high time that we try to see through our cold impertinence that has made us truly the merchants of menace.

Laws of retardation: Theory One

I have recently begun to think I’m like an electron. They love light and are moved by it (literally and figuratively), are random and easy to excite and so am I. Electrons are so fast, shiny, round and small, yet amazing enough to have created the universe and practically make the world go round. They are inspiring and I want to be like them.

I hereby proclaim myself “Electron-itron”! :)

Queen of Hearts

I know some of you have read this but it's linked to something I'm going to talk about soon.


6th July, 2010, 4 a.m.

Ever thought what it would be like to be heartless? It’s a rather strange time to be wondering so but that’s not the juicy part. Apart from the obvious and mundane biological reasons related to survival, it would actually be thrilling. Let’s take a look at my list of advantages:
1. You wouldn’t get hurt
2. You wouldn’t care about hurting someone else
3. You possibly wouldn’t have to be branded as warm-blooded!

Wow! I am almost tempted to claw it out of my system at this very moment. But there’s just a small problem restraining me: I might feel a little hollow after losing one organ. The insides that are sadly clichéd as beautiful might lose that ‘beauty’ since the heart maintains the soft pulse, associated with the beauty of life and existence, and other not-so-interesting stuff. Although, I can’t imagine how slimy organs coated with blood, fat and blood vessels can be seen as beautiful. It is a disturbing thought, even for me!

Anyway, the bottom-line is the fear of being hollow. So my not-at-all-dear friends, I have come up with a brilliant solution, and it was not triggered by Starbucks or the likes, neither did I rip it off of Wal-Mart. How about we replace the heart with an apple-pie? That would be so cool, or maybe the antonym of cool, literally speaking. 
Advantages:
1. You’ll be able to say “I’m heartless!” Ah, the sense of freedom that comes with that phrase.
2. You wouldn’t get hurt.
3. You probably wouldn’t hurt someone because you’ll be all sweet on the inside (you couldn’t get cold enough for that).
4. You could maintain the warm-blooded façade.
5. You would be complimented by the following words: “You’re sweeter than apple pie!”- Just too much juice for the ego!
6. You don’t have a heart, yet you don’t feel hollow.
7. You’ll probably become immortal because apple pie is unlikely to get coronary disease or go under cardiac arrest or myocardial infarction and blah blah.
8. Since we are blessed with barracuda teeth, we could even devour people! (What effect could the extra fat diet have on the pie? NONE!!!)

However, there’s a small disadvantage. Unlike the heart, apple pies aren’t muscular; they aren’t supported by tough, fibrous pericardium, so they can easily crumble under pressure. I guess you’d have to keep clutching your heart anyway like the Victorian maidens, although they lived in constant fear that it would flutter away at the slightest advancement from a male. I really should have been there to show them the light!

If you feel the above replacement is too feminine or incompatible with your more barbaric taste and you’re looking for something more concrete, then you could probably go for a block of low-weight steel. I wouldn’t recommend stones because they will make ‘where your heart used to be’ heavy. Not a desirable feeling, even for parting with your beloved heart (my eyes waltzed and bled to death on that note). Let’s get back to steel then. It has all the afore-mentioned advantages and perhaps more but the disadvantage is pretty serious. It has a short life. Given the wet, salty and squishy internal environment of the body, steel can make you rust away, literally. Why go through all the time-consuming and tedious effort then? I mean if you belong to my shoal of obnoxious barracudas then you wouldn’t have so much time to spend on a block of steel!

Therefore, after some serious brain-storming and spells of reflective pondering (when I was not too busy thinking about other stuff related to myself, of course) I have come to the conclusion that apple-pies are the best replacements for the useless, grief-supplying hearts we carry. And since I have taken out enough time to be a little selfless and share this with you (I thought I should give my heart a small farewell gift), I expect you all to write sonnets for me as proofs that you did, in some century possess a heart (as you’ll be tasting immortality) and then obviously, part with your primitive way of life. Then we could probably raid some planet and form a pie republic, if you are obedient enough and I would of course rule upon you.

Conjure up some good luck wish from me, be grateful that I at least thought of it and prize that memory for eternity!

Eternal pride

For a loved one we will always cherish.

I found my lodestar

One solitary dawn.

It twinkled till I thought

My sight would be gone-

It was my lovely Venus

That mellowed to dawn.

With glee and despair

I say goodbye.

In hopes of seeing

My lodestar tonight.

Come, for sure

I know it will,

For Venus and I

Are children of a kin

Whose hearts abridge

Never say goodbye.

I see my lovely Venus

Fade away to the light

Of dawn’s grey

Which turns to white.

A faint spot

In the morning blue

That welcomes with vigour

The orange true

Of morning light;

Welcomed into the safe abode

Of a new sun.